


I Don't Believe You

by Cant_We_Just_Dance



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Breakups, Heartbreak, M/M, Pining, overly poetic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 23:02:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11701701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cant_We_Just_Dance/pseuds/Cant_We_Just_Dance
Summary: Alexander stared at Thomas from across the room, hands gripping his drink tightly, the small patterns in the glass leaving red marks on his skin before he placed it down on the table beside him. It had been so long since they had seen each other, much less been in the same room together, just the two of them.





	I Don't Believe You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, it's @jamisahivemind from tumblr! Make sure to comment, kudos, and come hang out with me on the hellsite!

Alexander stared at Thomas from across the room, hands gripping his drink tightly, the small patterns in the glass leaving red marks on his skin before he placed it down on the table beside him. It had been so long since they had seen each other, much less been in the same room together, just the two of them.

Thomas’s hair still reflected small fragments of light, glimmering like small diamonds woven into the coiled curls. How long had it been since Alexander had ran his hands through Thomas’s hair, admiring the gentle refractions of light? Alexander cast his gaze away at the thought- it was a preposterous question. He had counted each and every day he did not wake up alongside the taller man, and each moment apart wore on his heart, chipping away another small piece with each moment as though it were a teacup being dropped over and over again despite the owner’s wishes. The spare pieces of white porcelain had been stored away into the back of his eyes, threatening to become tears whenever he thought of the reason they had been broken off of his pathetic excuse for a heart.

He stared at his hands, twiddling his thumbs idly to pass the time. Thomas had always hated when he did that. ‘Why move your hand around uselessly when you could be holding mine?’ he would ask, and Alexander would sheepishly smile before taking Thomas’s hand in his and squeezing it softly. Thomas would suppress a laugh and squeeze Alexander’s hand in return, smiling back at him much more boldly than Alexander had.

The sound of muffled footsteps on the annoyingly patterned carpet was enough to make Alexander look up once more, surprised to meet Thomas’s gaze with his own. Alexander’s eyes widened slightly in shock at the taller man’s pointed look, but he did not dare look away. Not when Thomas was so close, that if he lifted his arm he could reach over and squeeze his hand gently. He couldn’t look away while he was in such a position that if he chose to stand, he could easily wrap his arms around Thomas’s magenta-clad torso and hold him tightly, crying into his shoulder and begging, pleading for his forgiveness.

And although he wished to do those things, instead, Alexander stared directly into Thomas’s warm brown eyes. Despite the man’s efforts, he could not force his eyes to look at Alexander in such a way that gave off the impression of anything but…what emotion was that? Alexander narrowed his eyes in confusion as he continued staring, desperate for a name to what Thomas was inadvertently attempting to tell him.

Certainly not a spiteful joy- Thomas had exuded an aura of such a feeling after their separation, the man finally free of the constraints of love that Alexander had been so unexpectedly fond of. The way a wrongfully incarcerated prisoner finds their chains comforting after a certain amount of time, and once they are freed, their stride feels just the slightest bit too light.

Looking closer, Alexander easily ruled out anger as a possible answer. Such an emotion was not something either of them had felt toward the other since their first meeting. It had been a sweltering hot day, the air stuffy and humid as they walked into that meeting, accidentally bumping into each other as they did so. The gaze they shared at that exact moment was one of rivalry, a false lead into the lives they might have experiences, had Alexander not began laughing like a lunatic, and had Thomas not chuckled along with him.

After a few moments of stares, Alexander felt chills run down his spine in realization. Thomas was looking at him with pity. But why pity? The breakup had been mutual, they had known that it would not end well if it had not ended then, so it had been over. It was just…over. The stars in Thomas’s eyes lit up small fragments of Alexander’s memories that he had tucked away so desperately after Thomas had left him, each one flying out to him as if being pulled back out from behind a dark veil.

Their first date, where Alexander had accidentally spilled coffee all over himself, and Thomas joked that if Alexander had chosen an overly complicated sugary drink like himself, his shirt wouldn’t be nearly as stained as his black coffee soaked one now was.

When they kissed for the first time, under the evening sky on the roof of Thomas’s apartment building with a lobby so luxurious it had made Alexander feel rather uncomfortable. Thomas had weakly attempted to smile at him before leaning in, just as he was doing now, and- wait, what?

Alexander stared, wide-eyed as Thomas extended a hand to Alexander, his eyes not shifting their gaze to any other focus. Looking at the hand cautiously for a moment, Alexander held it gently in his own, nearly sighing in contentedness at the familiar warmth of the other man’s grip that fit so well in his own.

Thomas bit his bottom lip and squeezed Alexander’s hand so gently that it was shy, but tightly enough that Alexander got the message. Standing up, Alexander looked up at him, staring him straight in the eyes, as he had been during the entirety of their interactions thus far.

“What do you want?” Alexander asked, his voice barely above a whisper as he stared up, not letting go of Thomas’s hand. His heart ached with the now-familiar sensation of bits of it being chipped away at by the deep need inside him for Thomas’s love- something he hadn’t experienced in quite some time.

“You,” Thomas stated, plain as day and voice clear as crystal. “I want you.”

“And what makes you think I want you?” Alexander pointed out, his heart continuing to ache, now with a burning, tingly sensation. Every part of him told him to leap into Thomas’s arms and pepper kisses all over his face until Thomas knew for certain that Alexander wanted him and nothing else. But the pain in his heart held him back, whispering to his mind that this was so like Thomas, to lie and say he wanted to love him again, only to cackle and push him away in disgust when Alexander admitted to wanting the same thing.

“I love you…” Thomas whispered, squeezing Alexander’s hand once more as he said the words that Alexander had gotten so used to hearing him say when the sunlight streamed in through the windows and they were in each other’s arms. “I love you, Alexander. So much it hurts. I need you, you and only you. You’re the only thing I need. I miss you. I love you.”

Alexander finally tore his gaze away from Thomas’s own, attempting to hide the tears stinging at the edges of his dark eyes. He pulled his hand away from Thomas’s, not caring about how much more it pained his heart to let go of something he had wanted for so long. Closing his eyes tightly, and pivoting his feet, turning away, he whispered barely loud enough to be heard:

“I don’t believe you.”


End file.
